Oct. 31st, 2011

sixgunsound: (Default)
Surprisingly, this post has nothing to do with my sex and the horrible things that come with being female (even though I am experiencing them as I type this).

I walked past a reflective surface at work the other day and noticed just how very bad my kyphosis is getting. It looks like it is getting worse, which is bad, because pretty soon I'm going to literally be a hunchback (if I'm not already).

My kyphosis leads to a bunch of other problems, though. I get neck strain from looking in any direction but down when I walk, my sternum constantly hurts because my clavicles are putting pressure on it (and I can also pop my sternum by compressing my shoulder blades, which I have to do occasionally or pressure builds up and I cry), and most recently my right clavicle has been giving me a lot of problems. I thought it was from work, and the constant sweeping I have to do, but I think it's actually from my back getting worse. It hurts right where it articulates with my sternum and it's killing me. I can't lie on my right side anymore without it hurting.

You might ask, why don't you just stand up straight? And I'll admit, I have mostly trained my lower back (where I have lordosis) to stay straight. Let me tell you the difference, though. My lower back hurts no matter what I do. Standing straight hurts just as much as letting it curve as much as it wants to (which, let me tell you, makes my stomach look like I'm about seven months pregnant). Curving my shoulders back makes my upper back hurt a lot, when generally it only throbs with a tonic, lower-level pain that I hardly notice anymore. I am not mentally strong enough to train my muscles, and be in that kind of pain, for the amount of time it would take for me to stand straight unconsciously.

I don't know what to do about it, anymore. I'm either in a considerable amount of pain (because my upper back does hurt a lot, just not as much as my lower back) and I damage the rest of my body for the rest of my life until I'm crippled, or I'm in a fuckton of pain for about five years. And that amount would probably be a lot longer because I would constantly stop or forget or sob forever because it would just hurt so much.

Basically, I'm fucked.

Also, I think I'm starting to damage my neck because the curve is getting so severe I HATE EVERYTHING.

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sixgunsound

January 2012

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